Reflecting and looking towards the future

(Written on 9.22.12)

Have you ever watched a tv show and while watching it thought to yourself, wow I have a pretty great life compared to these people.  On Saturday afternoon while the girls napped I was watching re-runs of 16 & pregnant and couldn't help but feel so lucky and blessed with the lifeI have.  Watching some of these kids struggle and fight makes me sad.  And makes me realize what a great job my parents did raising me.  (not saying that all teens who get pregnant at 16 weren't raised right).  I just hope and pray that each of my girls doesn't end up being one of those girls knocked up at 16.  I hope that as a parent Jason and I can teach them to have good values, ALWAYS use protection and not to give in to temptations.  As the parents of toddlers I am enjoying my girls each and everyday while they still rely solely on me for everything.  Where I can be the one to decide what's best for them and help them to make smart choices for the future.

As I approach becoming a mom for the 3rd time I just want what's best for each of my girls.  I want them to respect themselves and not give in to temptations.  I want them to always be there for each other.  I want them to make good choices in life.  I want my girls to look back when they get older and say that they had a great childhood.  I want them to each find someone that respects them and loves them for them.  I worry about them each meeting someone and getting their hearts broken, I mean I know everyone goes through it, but as a parent you never want it to be your child.  I hope that they always feel comfortable to come and talk to me about anything!!  I know they have a long ways to go before this happens but I often wonder where will they attend college? Will it be close to home or far away? 

 

Right now as a pregnant mom to 2 toddlers I know I loose my patience easy and I just hope that my girls know that I love them to the moon and back even when they make me mad or I yell.  As much as I enjoy my "mommy alone time" on Monday's I do miss the girls.  I often wonder if they are happy with the type of mom that I am.  I wonder if I add enough excitment to their little lives.  I don't know where all this is coming from but I guess when you sitting on the couch on a Saturday afternoon in semi silence it gives you time to reflect on things.  My girls are the most important thing in my life and I only want what's best for them.  I am very proud of both my girls.

I cant believe that in less than 40 days I'm going to be responsible for 3 little girls.

It really hit me that Kendall could come anytime, which means I have less that 40 days to enjoy all the time I can get with Kaylee & Keira befor the madness begins.  When I think about having 3 kids under 3 I think I might be crazy.  I mean can I handle it all?  Will I be able to show enough love to each of them?  Will I be able to give them each the attention that they need?  Will either of them be jealous?  What kind of mom will I be?
 

 

With less than 40 days to go the pack n play is set up in our room by our bed.  All of Kendall's clothes/blankets have been washed hung up or put in her drawers.  The swing and bouncer are ready and waiting.  The car seat cover has been washed and is ready to be installed in the car.  Her hospital bag is all packed just waiting for my mom to send the outfit she made.  Almost all my hospital bag is packed and we are all registered at the hospital.  I would say we are ready.  But am I really ready?  I don't know.  I know I don't have a choice to be ready or not she's coming soon.  I am really happy that Jason will be home that 1st week to help me before he heads back to work.  I am so thankful for Jason's mom, she's going to be taking Kaylee to school the whole month of November so that I don't have to leave the house with the baby.  It will be nice in December cause Kaylee doesn't have school for the whole month (parent/teacher conferences & winter break).  She will continue to take the girls all day on Monday's so that I still get that much needed break I will need.  I am just greatful for all the help she's given and will be giving us.
 

 

I just wish my mom lived closer.  My mom has her week scheduled off of work and plans to fly out the day I go into labor.  The flight from CO to CA is about 3 hours so I hope Miss Kendall doesn't decide to come super fast and my mom miss it.  I just hope she can get a flight the same day cause I cant imagine her not being in the delivery room with me.  She was with me during both my other deliveries, so I'm hoping she'll make it for this one too.  I hate that she lives so far away!

Sorry that this post is all over the place but I have so many thoughts going through my head that I just wanted to get them all out, in hopes to clear my head.  Not sure if it worked cause I still have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head right now.