Trying to be strong...

{written on 4.5.13}

 

Jason left this morning to make the 2 day drive to Texas.

Last night while snuggling on the couch I couldn't help but cry.  Just the thought of him being gone for up to a month before he might be back home, it makes me sad.

 Just thinking about all the things he'll be missing out on...anything new Kendall does, Kaylee graduating from her 1st year of PreSchool, her birthday & possibly our beach trip with his mom.

 

I want to try and keep our routine as normal as possible.  Still eating dinner at the table each night to talk about our day, movie nights, having fun & reading books each night before bed.

 

I thought in the begining that this might be really hard for the girls, but I'm thinking it might be a little harder on me instead.  Jason is my rock, he keeps me grounded when my day isn't going that great, he's my best friend, the one I snuggle up with on the couch each night to watch our shows after the girls go to bed.  It's just going to be a big change, I thought I was ready for it, but today came and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.  But I need to be ready cause Jason needs my support right now.  I know this will be hard on him too.  We will try and skype each night or talk on the phone everyday.

 

I'm not really sure when he'll be back for a visit cause he doesn't have a set work schedule.  That's what makes it a little harder too, not knowing when we'll see daddy next.  It made it easier when he would do work trips cause we had a countdown for when daddy would be home, this time we don't have that.  My hope is that I can hang as a "single" mom and not lose my mind. 

 I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared,
I would be lying if I said that this was going to be easy.

 

UPDATE 4/21/13
It's been 17 days since Jason left.
The past 17 days have been filled with good & bad days...
The girls have been pretty good, not a whole lot of fighting which has been nice for me.  Kendall has been battling a virus and hasn't been sleeping the best, which means I'm not sleeping the best.

 On Monday 4/8/13 I noticed I started to get a tooth ache and as the days went on it was still there and hurting pretty bad.  By Thursday it had gotten so bad and my face started to swell up a little.  I got squeezed in at the dentist and found out that I had an infection.  I got started on meds and the swelling was gone within 48 hours.  Well guess what that means, I have to get some teeth pulled {did I mention I am highly affraid of the dentist!?}  So I'm suppose to get my teeth pulled sometime this month, let me tell you I am not looking foward to it at all!  I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled {I am being knocked out, that's how affraid I am, I don't want to hear a thing}

Other than that the good stuff is that I've been able to talk to Jason everyday.
While he's working we send each other texts through out the day, once he's off we'll talk.  The girls get to talk to daddy each night right before they go to bed.  I love that were able to talk on the phone.  We've also been able to FaceTime and it was so good to see his face!  I cherish each phone call I get with this guy.

My love for him just grows more and more each day!
You never know how much you cherish someone until your not with them everyday.  I took for granted all those nights that we could have snuggled on the couch, instead we sat in our seperate chairs and played on our phones/computers and watched TV.  So with each visit that he's able to come home, I will absolutely be cherishing all those moments we get together.  It's just so different and hard being away from him, I've been by his side almost everyday for the past 11 years!  I thought as the days went on it would get a little easier but it hasn't. 

I'm trying my hardest to stay strong for the girls.  There are times I just want to break down and cry, I miss Jason more than words can explain.  I am proud of him for going out and doing this for our family.  I wish I had an idea of when he'd be home, it would make all this a little bit easier!  I've been trying to keep myself busy, which I've kinda been able to do, but this week I've felt crappy with teeth.  I've had some major anxiety over getting my teeth pulled {Jason's mom is planning to take me and pick me up and take care of me that first day} but I'm still freaking out over it.  I just cant wait for our family to be back together!

I give moms with husbands/boyfriends in the military a lot of credit.  This "single" parenting while your significant other is away is really hard.  It takes a lot of courage and strength to get through these hard times.

Hoping this week we'll get an idea of when daddy will be able to come home for a visit!