Thursday, October 6, 2011

At my breaking point

I knew when I became a parent that it wasn't always going to be easy.
And this week has been one of those trying weeks for me.
Where I've been at my breaking point multiple times.
I have even broke down and cried cause I feel like a bad mom.

I love staying home with my girls and I wouldn't want to change that for the world
But there are days when I hope that they both take a nap at the same time so I can have a break!
I love spending time with my girls but that all changes when my 2 year whines about anything and everything.  When she takes all the toys away from Keira and makes her cry.  When my 2 year cries more during the day than my 10 month old.  When my 2 year old tells me NO when I ask her to do anything!  When my 10 month old cries all day due to teething.  When my 10 month old only wants to be held by mama.  When my 10 month old only wants to take 30 minute naps.

This is what has been happening all week long and yesterday I just hit the point where I needed to walk away from them and go sit on the steps of the staires.  I wish I could have locked myself in my room for about 30 minutes to have that time to myself cause I really needed it.  Since switching Keira to her new nap schedules the girls don't take naps at the same time, but I'm thinking I might need to change Kaylee's nap time so they take naps at the same time again so I get that break that I need.

I don't like the feeling I get when they've been crying all day and Kaylee's not listening and Keira wont go to anyone but me.  I don't like feeling like running away and not coming back.  I feel like a bad mom when I have those feelings.  I try not to get to stressed out and to stay calm but sometimes I get overwhelmed and will yell at Kaylee and I feel bad.  I don't want my girls to feel like I'm a mean mommy for yelling at them.  I just want them to listen, more so Kaylee cause Keira is still to little.

The hubs has been working late at work so by the time he gets home at night I am so stressed out that I pass them onto him and use the excuse that I need to go to the bathroom to get away from the craziness for 15 minutes!  I dont want to get that overwhelming feeling that if my kids don't stop all the madness that I might snap. After reading that I don't want you to think that I'm going to beat my kids or anything like that cause I would NEVER do that.  I'm just saying I don't want to get that feeling like I want to and if I do then I put them in a safe place and just walk away.  I knew when I went into this that it was going to be hard I guess I didn't think it would be this hard some days.

But now I don't you think that this is how it is all the time around my house.  Cause awesome days do out weigh the crazy week I've had.  I love when I can sit back and enjoy watching my girls play so nicely together or when Kaylee is being sweet and gives Keira a kiss.  When we go to the park to have a fun day just us girls.  There are a lot more awesome days then bad, I would love to not have bad days and just enjoy everyday with my girls but I know that's not realistic!  Every parent has bad days and I know I'm not the first one.  I think my big problem is asking for help, I try to do it all by myself and make everything work without asking for the help of others.  But I'm realizing more and more that I need to ask for that help or I'm going to go CRAZY!  Jason does an awesome job with the girls but I think sometimes I need him to do more and I need to ask him to do more and not just assume that he'll now what kind of day I had when he comes home and see's me super stressed out.  I need to tell him that I've had a super stressful day and that I need 30 minutes by myself.  That's not so wrong is it!?!

I like to look back on the awesome times with my girls rather than the bad ones


  1. I mean, seriously... we need to live closer so we could hang out. Seriously we are like the same person, and I've told you before how our kids are so much alike too... so yes, we would totally be "real life" friends. And I TOTALLY understand how you feel on everything you said.

    Those moments where the kids are fighting, fussing, throwing fits, etc are enough to make you think you are going crazy! I need to step away at times too, its just a part of being a mom so DO NOT FEEL BAD about it at all. But I still get those feelings of being a bad mom for getting mad, upset, frustrated with the girls. But like I said... its totally normal.

    And and and... the reason why we are like the same person... im the worst at asking for help too. I feel like IM THE MOM, i should be able to do this myself. Well we CAN do it, but sometimes we NEED people to step in, especially those that are willing like hubbys and family members. So again, dont feel bad although I'm the same way :)

    I hope your week is ten times better!!!
    BUT that pic of Kaylee crying seriously had me laughing... sorry I had to say it :)

  2. I respect you SO much for being a mother of 2!! You are more amazing than you think :) I hope your week gets better, I just know it will!

  3. Oh - I know how you feel. And we never want to write about or share the bad times, but I think it's so therapeutic. Aaron is almost 2 & he throws things now when he doesn't get his way and screams - and lately it is happening a lot more. Emma is actually getting to a very good point at this same time so I am very thankful to that (she'll be 5 in Dec). The past week he's had his molars to blame for his whinyness and the lack of sleep we've had, but beyond that it's just terrible two's I guess. They weren't bad with Emma, but I see a future for Aaron that is going to be a hard one if his little fits are a sign of things to come.

    You're a great mom b/c you do take that time to walk away. It's when we don't recognize we need a break and take the few minutes we can when we can that lead to problems. Having them nap at the same time will be a blessing b/c you'll be able to recharge & remember what a good mom you are.

  4. I can't even imagine how trying some of your days are. You are doing an amazing job with those beautiful little girls! :)

  5. I love how honest this was! I feel for you! I've cried so much in the past 2 days that I never thought I would. I've already thought a million times how I feel like I'm a bad Mom because I can't get her to stop crying, etc. But with 2! You sound like a great Mom. I hope the naps get better!! You do need a break!! :)

  6. My comments keep being "eaten"! Anyways, hope next week is better for you....we all have those days! Just think, this has got to be better than the middle school years though right? :-)